And I’m ok with it.
I’m just ok, not happy, or great, or uncaring. I have accepted that I am going to be a disappointment to people. I am a people pleaser by nature, but have learned over time that nothing I do is going to make people happy with me all of the time. There’s an inherent problem with trying to make other people happy – I’m not a manifestation of their consciousness. I am an entirely separate entity balancing many competing demands, concerns, wants and needs. I am doing the best I can with the resources I have at hand. I am often a disappointment to myself. If I must choose between disappointing you or disappointing me, I’m going to choose disappointing you. Because when I disappoint you, it’s generally because I’ve chosen to do something that benefits my sense of self and self-respect. When I disappoint myself, I’ve done something that hurts me far worse than I could ever hurt you.
So folks, while you are being disappointed in me, please keep in mind that I’ll do it again and again. I will be a constant source of disappointment, because I will always choose to be true to myself.